Thursday, August 17, 2006

I am so sick of docs, bet they are sick of me too

Hard to believe how much I have growing in the box around the bottom of my deck wall. Particularly nice in the early spring when everything is a burst of flowers like it was when I took the picture above. This time of year the plant above (which I think is a viburnum but I got my notes so confused, I can't swear to it) is vegetative and the ameliopsis vine is more of the dominant force with it's multicolored berries and horde of bees in attendance.

I am so tired of doctors I was trying to convince myself that I could self diagnose the swelling on my spine. It is very like a ganglian cyst but whatever it is, it must be irritating nerves because I'm about on my last nerve. I'm going to call a PCP I barely know tomorrow but she's the only one I have and I don't want to try to get through to the specialists. I am so frustrated by how I get a plan in place and think I'll be fine holding off on dealing with the last issue until my next regular appointment, which in this case is with my oncologist, when a new issue comes up and once again I have to decide about which doctor to see, if I'm going to see anyone, and when to see one. Ah for the days when I didn't have a PCP because my family doctor retired and I wasn't sick for 10 years. That's not strictly true, I got my gynecologist to give me antibiotics for an ear infection once during that time period and I got my daughter's pediatrician to do a strep culture for me at the same time she did one for my daughter. Other than that though, after my hysterectomy to deal with severe endometriosis, and before my melanoma diagnosis, I wasn't sick to speak of. I had chronic bronchitis when I smoked but I knew how to deal with that. Golden seal root, echanasia, hot toddies and such. I don't know how to deal with swelling on my pelvis and now my spine and this increasingly humongous foot. The humongous foot is the easiest in a way. It helps to elevate it. Boring, boring, boring, boring . . . I am all too aware of how good I have it comparatively. Hopefuly, even if it doesn't get better, I'll get used to it all in time. Used to the new "issues" that I don't understand and assume will provide answers but only provide questions. The questions are the biggest irritant of all besided the physical discomfort. Boring, boring, boring . . .

1 comment:

Heather said...


Perhaps seeing your PCP is a good idea. Maybe she will be able to look at you with fresh eyes and help you find your way through the maze of physical issues.

I hope this will be the case.

Thinking of you,