Daughter, this week, old man on a throne

I will be glad to see my daughter's IM name pop up on my buddy list. She opted for leaving the hospital last night just shy of 12 hours after her appendectomy. Since it was done with a laporoscopy, I guess it was more like my laser treatments for endometriosis than it was like abdominal surgery when my appendix and ovarian cyst came out. Even so my comfort level would be higher if she'd spent the night in the hospital. She even said most people do spend the night, according to the doctor. In her case having come in the night before which she spent in ER until they checked her into a room after the CAT scan showed it was her appendix, I understand that she was ready to leave. However, my mommy radar is beeming to Maryland and wishing I was physically there. I'm doing much better this morning in terms of the sedating quality of my latest med. Instead of taking it right before bed, I took it at 9:00 pm which makes a noticeable difference in how I feel this morning. This is a big week for me. I go to my oncologist and have the initial evaluation at the pain clinic. I am hopeful that both of these appointments will be moving me towards help. I'm not sure what I want from my oncologist. I'm leaning towards an ultrasound of the groin and FNA of the subcutaneous "supposed lipoma". The sooner the lipoma is laid to rest the better because in the unlikely event that it's a subcutaneous melanoma metastais, I will be stage IV. I'm not expecting that and I know my doctors aren't suspecting that but even with a small chance, I want it to be determined as fast as possible. In terms of the groin, if that's melanoma, I suspect it's the same issue that showed up 6 months after my dx and I further suspect my autoimmune response is what has made it show up smaller on repeat PET/CT scans. All well and good except for what that autoimmune response has done to my quality of life. I am such a barterer with the powers that be, even though I don't believe in that kind of greater power. I do believe in the great unknown. In times like this though, I start bargaining with an old white haired man sitting on a throne dispensing reprieves at will. If my daughter will be okay, I'll roll with the punches about me. She's had a PFO diagnosed this year and now her appendix. Give her a break already. The minute I think like that though I remember the children and teenagers with melanoma and what their parents went through. Good thing I don't believe in an old man sitting on a throne because I'd kick his ass if I did. I do, however, believe in something beyond what we can see, touch or feel and I send those good thoughts out and hope for the best.

Blog addict?

I think I'm becoming addicted to blogging. Not sure why I don't do this in my notebook or on computer files off line. Strange. I love cosmos and I hope the heat doesn't zap the cosmos I have. I was disappointed that my daughter ended up deciding to go to her dorm from the hospital tonight after having an appendectomy this morning. Her friends called to say that the doctor had said if she could eat she could leave tonight, if she wanted to. She was able to eat and wanted to leave so they packed her off with a pain med script. I'm sure she'll be fine and she has great friends at college but it's still pretty nerve wracking. She sounded good but hoarse when we talked today. That's why her friend called. JF is trying not to talk much because she's hoarse from the general anaesthetic. It still seems very odd that my daughter would have surgery at a hospital in Maryland and I would be in NC. I know at 21 she's an adult but it feels weird to me. Nothing I could do if I was there but I can't shake the feeling that I should be there. Hopefully she'll be pretty well recovered in a few days and will have a good last semester of undergraduate school. What a way for her to start the year. Boy howdy. I've heard of beginning the new with a bang but that's ridiculous.

Relief, Castor Bean plant

What a relief that JF is recovering well, resting, and will be spending the night at the hospital. Hard to believe she had an emergency appendectomy her first week back at school. At least with the laporoscopy surgery her recovery time should be swift.

Castor bean plants are a favorite of mine but I stopped growing them after I was told how poisonous they are for animals. I grew them for two years and they got enormous. One was close to 18 feet tall from two seasons of growth before it got zapped in the winter. What I did was grow them one season, transplant into huge pots and put them in the greenhouse for the winter and then planted them back outside the next spring. The problem was, after two growing seasons they were too big to fit it the greenhouse even if I had dug them up and found a monster pot. The cool thing was they self seeded and I was all set for a third year of castor bean plants until a friend told me about the risk to animals. Too many of my neighbors dogs occasionally get loose and come into my back garden and I was told they would be at risk. I also have a ton of cats that hang out in my back garden but I doubt they'd eat castor bean seeds. Not sure if any animals would be at risk but it's not worth it so that was the end of my love affair with castor bean plants. I did enjoy them so. I hope JF has a good last semester at school and isn't thrown off her rhythm too bad by the appendectomy. I'm grateful that she has so many friends that are visiting her in the hospital. It feels so weird for her to have surgery away from home.

Curves in the road

My daughter had an appendectomy at 8:00 am this morning and I'm waiting to hear how it went. It was performed in a small hospital outside Baltimore where she goes to school. She called before going to the hospital and I requested that she please go to Hopkins or one of the other famous hospitals in the area and she said her friend who was driving her wouldn't be able to find Hopkins and that it was probably going to be nothing anyway. Then I heard that her blood work was normal and she didn't have a fever but was waiting on the CAT scan which would probably be very late as the hospital was busy. She said that I should go to sleep and she or one of her friends would leave a message on my cell phone. I did go to sleep like a log but when I woke up at 3:30 am instead of going back to sleep right away I checked my cell phone messages and both she and a friend had left messages telling me that she was getting an appendectomy at 8:00 am in the morning. Incredibly enough I went back to sleep and shortly after I woke up again at 7:00 am my daughter called to explain it was going to be done with a laporoscopy which was a huge relief. When my appendix was removed it was part of an abdominal surgery. At first they thought it was my appendix and then found out it was a humongeous ovarian cyst but while he was in there the surgeon took my appendix too for the heck of me. I had no idea they could do appendectomies with a laporoscopy. She should be back in her dorm either tonight or tomorrow and fine for classes on Wednesday. I had assumed until she called it would be much worse as I was out of work a long time when mine was removed as part of abdominal surgery. I wish I was there but she said she's fine and had 8 friends in her room last night and they are returning after she has time to wake up after surgery. I'm sure the hospital where she is being treated is fine although my comfort level would be higher if she was at hopkins. I love the picture of her I am posting above from 1999 when she was warming up for a modern ballet recital. It captures a moment in time for me. Hard to believe that was 7 years ago. I have a ton of photos of her dancing in the house as a child that are wild. Some when she was about 5 and was dancing in a slip with her hair twirling wildly. She broke her collar bone falling out of a tree at five and had her arm in a sling but was determined to dance in her recital. Her doctor said she was recovered enough to take her arm out of the sling for the dance if she was careful.

I just heard from her and she is doing fine, back in her room. She said the doctor told her most people do spend the night in the hospital but if she's doing exceptionally well she can go home tonight or rather back to her dorm. I told her to spend the night in the hospital if she can because they will do a better job with pain relief in the hospital if she needs it. She said that the pain isn't even as bad as it was prior to surgery which is a great sign. The second picture in this post was taken the same year as the dancing one. We went to Williamsburgh and had a blast. She went not to long after that with friends but I was glad I took her although I wouldn't have if I'd known she would be invited to go with a bunch of friends so soon after we went. Life is so unpredictable. I never would have guessed that she'd have surgery before me. Mine will be a simple excision on my back of the subcutaneous mass assumed to be a lipoma and maybe a biopsy of the groin if the dubious area has something specific my doctor can go after. That was at the forefront of my mind and now it's pushed way back. If my daughter can recover quickly and not have any more health issues, I will take what comes my way. She never heard back about the cardiac MRI which is probably a good sign but the doctor at Duke where that was done regarding the PFO (congenital heart defect) said he or his P.A. would call and they didn't. I am going to see if my daughter minds if I keep calling and bugging them about it. I can say she just had an appendectomy and isn't up to calling herself, will they please call me.

Summer heat grows old

I am so tired of hot weather I could scream but I am all too aware of how ungreatful I am. I have an air conditioned house and an air conditioned car. Only a small percentage of people in the world have ever made a telephone call. I'm pretty sure I have that right. I can't remember the stat but it was staggering. I bet the number of people who live with hotter days than I do without air conditioning would astound me. When I was a child we had an attic fan and big oak trees surrounding the house but no A.C. until I was older. Not sure when but I remember first getting a unit A.C. in our kitchen and eventually central air. Since I ended up in my home town it was probably similar weather to what it is now but it didn't seem as hot. I'm so conditioned to comfort that it's hard to imagine going back although the total dependence on artificial climates can't be good for the environment. I love the few weeks on the opposite ends of summer when I can open the windows and don't need anything but the wind. We lost power in an ice storm in 2003 for 10 days. Some people got their power back sooner but I toughed it out at home, not wanting to leave my new bathroom. I kid thee not, I wanted to keep the water dripping because I was in the middle of a bathroom remodeling project so I stayed home while my daughter bailed and stayed with friends who had their power back. I got a little nutty here with the house temperature around 30 degrees farenheit except in my den/office which I kept a little warmer with the fire place. My bathroom contractor brough me a kerosene heater at one point too. It's staggering to think about the fact that most people don't live in houses with central heat and A.C. I'll have to dig up those stats and refresh my memory. Once I start thinking about something like that it drives me nuts until I find the answers but I can't remember the answers once I find them so why do I bother? Sort of like that with all my melanoma research. I remember broad strokes but half of what I read I forget before I finish reading it. I also glass over when it gets too technical. That's why it's such a joke that I try to manage my care. I'll never retain the details. I retain some of them but what I glass over about is probably the important part. I do feel better now that I have a PCP I like. I never got over my family doctor retiring. Half the time I didn't have to even go see him. I could call and talk to him over the phone and he'd call in my antibiotic script which was the main reason I needed a doc when I was in my twenties. I smoked and had chronic bronchitus frequently back then. After my family doctor retired I didn't need a doctor except for my gynecologist, for the most part, but it's been a problem for me not having a PCP this past year. No one has coordinated the various specialities for me and try as I might to do it myself, I feel like I spin wheelies. The old LP keeps whirring round and round in my head with a corny song I can't recall.