It's been a hard week on the MPIP (melanoma support group I'm involved with). I am so sad for those reaching their last days and for their families who are bereft. I'm shy about talking about anyone on my blog in part because of the privacy issues. I feel easier talking about my daughter because she used to talk about me on her online journal (she outgrew blogging about the time I started). I will always be greatful that I was able to see her grow up and I will always be sad for children who lose a parent to death when they are young (both of my parents fit into that category and my father lost both of his parents in his early teen years). It's almost too much to know that parents can lose children to premature death (my grandmother had that sad burden but at least her oldest daughter, my mother, lived to have her children all reach adulthood before she preceded her mother in death). It's a sad sad world and all we can do is hold those we love close and reach out in the ways we know to when others need us. Also, to honor good fortune by enjoying it. That's not always easy but is sometimes all we can do. I'm uncomfortable using the royal we for I am not suggesting that I can speak for anyone but myself. I guess I really mean that it's all I can do but sometimes I get sick of me, myself and I. Open mouth insert whine.
I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child, and most of the time I'm glad I'm the one with an illness instead of anyone else in my family. It's hard for them too, as those of us who have lost parents at a young age know. I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer when I was 15 and as sad as that may seem, it was more of a relief knowing that she wasn't suffering anymore. I can only hope that if my time comes up soon, that my family will feel the same way. The biggest piece of hope that I cling to is that I will be with my mother again, if that's meant to be.
It has been really tough for me for the first time since my dx last April, since losing someone yesterday that I felt I actually "knew" from reading her blog. But I like to think she's with her father again and is no longer suffering from this horrible disease. She was a true inspiration and I hope to keep such a wonderful sense of humor if I ever find myself in the same situation.
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