Thursday, March 29, 2007
YES! I am so glad to hit day 100 of my latest walking log and manage to get in a good walk today so I have walked or walk/jogged 50 days out of the past 100. I was shooting for more like 4 or 5 days a week but it was important to me to average at least every other day. I've done it in spite of one week where I didn't walk at all because I had a virus of some kind, and another where I was having too much trouble with my physical "issues". The point though is I had enough weeks where I walked 5 days to balance out the ones where I didn't walk at all (or rather didn't do an exercise type walk). It is a cold, and rainy day which is nice since we need the rain but I managed a 2 mile walk during an interlude where it stopped raining just for me, ha! I love walking on days like this when everything is so happy to have had a nice drink of rain water and besides happy plants, the birds were hollering out their love songs, furious calls, and general chit chat. After my walk I got a call which made me very happy. Odd what makes me happy these days. After I realized that my December bone scan had a significant uptake in the shoulder that's been giving me a fit, I sent my RHEUM. Doc a letter with a copy of the report. I explained that when I had my appointment with him I said the bone scan was fine and that although from a cancer view point it was, I realized after picking up the report along with my March PET scan report, that my shoulder was lighting up on the bone scan. His nurse called to say that I should get a plain x-ray and they would get the script to me. I am so glad that I will get that script so I can have the results before I see the pain specialist in a little less than 2 weeks. At this point if someone could figure out what's up with my shoulder and treat that, it would go a long ways towards getting my pain issues to where I might not need such strong medications. I'm beginning to realize that although I still have some problems with my lower body and occasionaly with my spine, it's the shoulder which slows me down the most. Mild lymphdema and a few spine bulges are increasingly manageable but the shoulder isn't. So hoorah for answers starting to stack up which get my mind off of melanoma. It's not that I ever thought melanoma was the cause of everything but it seemed so coincidental for me to start falling apart so soon after finding out that I had stage III melanoma. So the way it stands now, the vitamin D supplements have improved my balance and helped with the bone pain, the disc bulges and femoral narrowing may explain some of the spine and leg pain, the groin dissection and adhesions explain the pain I always understood, and perhaps I'm close to an explanation about my right shoulder. I think with this much information it will at least help the pain doc to stop looking at me as someone with chronic all over pain which is not what I've ever had. Yep after two years chronic fits but maybe in my case with answers it can become less chronic. The sounds, colors, and scent of flowers in the air, continue to intoxicate me in the best possible way. I am able to risk otimism. Not merely optimism about survival but optimism about things continuing to improve. I replaced so many of my turning 50 goals with a nebulous goal for purely surviving to 50 which is a lot but it's nice to start thinking about about goals which include new experiences and improvement. I may not hit 50 being able to run or even walk my old 5 mile route but perhaps I can hit 50 able to have pleasant 3 to 4 mile walks most days. Maybe I'll hit 50 with my confidence high enough to go on a long trip by myself without concerns that something dehabilitating will happen. Part of it is my personality. Many people with problems much worse than what I have wouldn't think twice about taking a trip and have fun in the bargain. Many people travel long distances just to see their oncologists and have to fly or drive over several days to get there. But that's them and I'm me. Trips to the mountains and coast of my state have been all I've had the confidence to do since my melanoma diagnosis in February 2005 and even with those relatively short distance trips, I've had Bill with me. I enjoy vacations with Bill and it's not that I particularly want to take a trip without him but I don't want to fee l too insecure to go on a trip that doesn't include my rock who is my dear friend and ex-husband. I find myself regaining my optimism as I think I said a ways up on this blog entry and that means a great deal to me.