Saturday, April 28, 2007

Spring Fever

I don't know if it's spring fever or what but I'm increasingly restless. Not quite ready to run off with the circus but sometimes I feel like I want a major change. I don't mean a vacation or a big trip but a totally life altering change. I want to be careful what I wish for. Changes aren't always good. I could do without changes like finding out I had melanoma. I don't want to lose my job or house or any number of things on the list of changes which wouldn't be great. Above all I want my daughter and other loved ones to be safe and out of harms way. I don't want a lot do I? Yep I guess I do want a lot or rather I recognize that I already have a great deal. My restless feeling is that I like the idea that if I wanted to I could decide to move to Alaska, or Maine, or somewhere else. Kind of silly in a way that I would feel the need for a change. I have pleasant surroundings and plenty to do. We have a decent art museum and plenty of good productions come here as well as local ones that I never manage to go to as it is. I could change my surroundings without a huge move based on a fantasy. It's funny how for years I used to say when my daughter went to college, I might try to move to Alaska. The odd part was how it hit me that there would be times of the year with no light and times where it was light at night. I could never handle that. Besides, I've never even been to Alaska. It would make a lot more sense to think about moving somewhere I've visited and liked but I guess that's the point. It's not about being sensible. It's along the lines of a child's fantasy of joining the circus as opposed to the reality of the circus job likely being shoveling dung. I was diagnosed with melanoma my daughter's sophomore year of college and thank goodness I didn't make some big move before that happened. I am definitely in the perfect situation for what I've been dealing with. I have a job I can do from my home, great health insurance, I've been with the same company almost 10 years and have good benefits. I have trails close by for walks and I have friends and people I've know for most of my adult life close by. I live in the middle of the state with the mountains and beach almost equal distances. There are so many reasons I like where I live but it is strange how now that my daughter is making another big move to go to law school, I'm getting that feeling back. The feeling that I am fancy free and could make a huge change, move to a far off land and start fresh. Not sure why I would want a fresh start. I guess if I stop and think about it logically, I am quite happy with where I am. That's a strange thought. Perhaps I am getting old if I'm satisfied with where I am and even the idea of growing old is rather appealing. That said, I still have spring fever or something which is making me want to fly off to a far off port and try my hand at something new.


Anonymous said...

I hope your upcoming vacation will satisfy your wanderings...
I looked forward to our trip for months and had a great time.
Man, was it even greater to get back home!
I haven't been everywhere yet, but it's on my list.
Susan Sontag

Anonymous said...

gosh, you sound so much like experiences, new places to venture and for me, it's all just a dream when it came right down to it we moved to NV..3 hours at least from our kids and it's just too, I want to go back (well not really)..I just want it all..I want to live near them so I can easily help out when needed and go to their baseball games, etc but something always prevents that..something in town's always something. Sometimes I think we just get the urge to run away..go somewhere, do something different..I always think of Dr Seuess and O, The Place You Will the end, there is no place like home. Take a vacation, do something different and then return home..that may cure the need to make a huge change.I so understand those feelings. sue