the morning after

The morning after my scan report appointment with new plans in place also brought a call to let me know I'm down for an oncology appointment next Thursday morning. My doc does Thursday clinic for all his regular patient appointments. I've occasionaly been worked in earlier in the week, where he comes to clinic after surgery, meetings, and such. I'm fine waiting for the appointment since the new meds are doing a great job with the pain. I'm a little more sedated than I like but there is always a trade off.

My cleome field above isn't as good of a photograph as some I have but I like the fuzzy look. I'd prefer that I not feel so fuzzy. I don't know how people do the strong treatments which knock them through and around and under loops. I'm a wimp about that stuff which had a lot to do with why I didn't do interferon. My doctor was neutral about it which was part of why I made the decision that I did. However, my strong reservations about how I'd handle INF was the deciding factor. The odd part is that I feel, to an extent, that my body has put on it's own immunotherapy show. Beginning 14 months ago, I started having symptoms similar to those with strong side effects to INF or to chemo. The first question that all the doctors I saw asked, when my symptoms began was whether I was doing chemo or had radiation treatment. It was so weird.

Oh well it is what it is and at least the only things which showed up on my recent scans are remote in terms of a recurrence. The more I think about it language like, cannot rule out melanoma is pretty promising. I've had language like consistent with tumor recurrence in the same area a year ago and it got better and better on subsequent scans. Maybe what I need is a little faith. Maybe I'm overthinking everything. Maybe I should go to the art museum for an indoor slow stroll. Maybe, maybe, maybe . . .