I know I spend way too much time thinking about what was. I think about where I was at physically and mentally when I got my melanoma dx. I wanted to go on an outward bound rock climbing trip when I turned 50. I wanted to run a marathon although I knew a half marathon was a stretch but I like to reach high and that way the mid way point is still an accomplishment. 2007 is the year I turn 50 and I am working on new goals. Perhaps climbing the oak tree in front of my house is a start. I've never climbed that tree as long as I've lived here because getting to the first branch took upper body strength I didn't have. When I was a kid I climbed every tree in sight. In high school, during lunch, I would climb a big oak and sit in a branch and read until someone else joined me. Usually before too long, friends would arrive and smoke would fill the air. Took me a long time to drop the smokables but I finally did.
I posted pictures yesterday of my corn rows. The second picture in this entry is that same corn row minus the corn. Lots of queen anne's lace, purple cone flowers and tall grasses. Cleome and coriopsis have sprouted up recently and those plants should be joining the mix soon with their colorful display. Hummingbirds, gold finches and butterflies can be spotted in what was once my corn row. I like it. I like the diversity and the wildness of it but I miss fresh corn. The best way to eat corn if you want the maximum sugar is to start the water boiling, go pick the corn and drop it in the boiling water right off the stalk. My mother taught me that trick. She told me about how to do it once I started growing corn back in 1979 when I was still in the duplex I rented an apartment in. I married the man in the other apartment in that duplex and we stayed there for 4 years until we bought the house I still live in. Our landlord let us knock a hole in the wall between the two studs and convert the duplex back into a single family house which is what is orinally was. We had two kitchens which was fun. We usually used the kitchen on BF's side because it was bigger and what was his bedroom was the dining room and the living room was the living room. On my side we used my living room as a den, our bedroom was on that side and we had the small kitchen off our bedroom which was especially nice in terms of having an extra kitchen.
We got to know each other gardening. I started a garden in the back yard. I dug an irrigation ditch around a huge area and dug into the clay and enriched it for my garden. I ran out of steam before I had cultivated all the land within the irrigation ditch so BF asked if he could plant a garden beside me where I left off. We started going on camping trips together, fell in love, and got married. I was literally the girl next door and he the boy next door.
I started this post with the idea of staying in the present but for whatever reason, the past keeps cropping up. That's not necessarily bad as I have good memories for the most part. Funny to live long enough to feel that way about it. I used to have so much anxt I couldn't see the good memories for the trauma. No more. I can truly look back with a sense of calm and pleasure on what once was. Now to continue making good memories for a long time to come.