It was so odd how within the space of a week we went from snow and cold to warmth and spring. There was some damage to early flowers and buds on trees but so much is blooming again that it's hard to even notice the damage. We may still return to the cold and more damage but at the moment, I'm enjoying spring in full force.
The wildlife are certainly enjoying the warmer weather and becoming increasingly abundant. I enjoy listening to the bird calls and wish I was better at recognizing the individual voices.It was a huge relief to get past my March doctor's appointments and four year PET/CT scan. The fact that I've gone four years now without a melanoma recurrence is making me increasingly optimistic. I remember after my three year scan, I decided that I was done with melanoma. I felt like I had to reach a point where I put it behind me. To a large extent that worked. I have worried less, talked about it less, in general moved on with the rest of my life.
The problem is I am still followed by oncologists, a dermatologist, a pain specialist, blah, blah, blah, and I still get annual full body scans. Sometimes I think to put it behind me I need to drop all of the doctors, although that's not possible in terms of pain management. That has been the hardest part, dealing with the physical "issues" I've had following my lymph node dissection. The issues have made it hard for me to listen to my body. As a matter of fact I've had to learn to stop listening to my body. I've blogged enough about all of that in past years and at this point I like to focus on relief. The relief of being one of the lucky ones who are diagnosed with a deep melanoma primary and a positive node but don't have a recurrence.
It's even possible that some of my physical problems are part of why I've done so well with the cancer. My body may have mounted its own autoimmune response which have resulted in irritating pain but are part of why the cancer hasn't recurred. The fact that my C reactive protein has been high every time my rheumatologist tested it is at least one indication that my body has had an autoimmune response of some kind.
I didn't intend for this post to start veering into the whine territory so I'm going to end with relief. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and my four years tests and appointments are done with and turned out well.