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Sunday, August 12, 2007

Going to seed

One of my favorite things about late summer and early fall is when everything starts getting seedy. Not me, I shower more in the late summer. Although, never having had a pedicure, when I wear toe-less shoes, I feel a bit seedy. The older I get the more I'm aware that I may need to stop wearing backless or toe-less shoes if I'm not going to get a pedicure. For whatever reason, a pedicure doesn't seem like a luxury to me. I could afford the occasional pedicure. It seems like a horribly embarrassing awkward thing to do. All those years, mostly in the past, of going outside barefoot in the summer have started to catch up with me. My what uncouth things come out of my fingers when I start typing on this blog (not literally, I do wash my hands rather obsessively). Back to seeds. I love them. I love them as they are tossed by the wind. I love them exposed in pods, flowers, and grass.
The close-up of Queen Anne's lace seed above makes it clear why that flower is considered a weed by some and a dainty flower by others. It's one of my favorites although due to its close kinship with carrots, I sometimes pull it up thinking it's a carrot. No biggie since I have plenty of Queen Anne's lace in full flower by June, no matter how many I accidentally pull up. The photo above is of one small section of one seed head. This year, I had close to a 100 mature Queen Anne's lace I let go to seed. It will be a small wonder if anything else can compete. Generally, it works out pretty well since I pull it up when it encroaches on areas where another desirable plant is growing.Rudbeckia and echanasia are two other flowers which are great at self seeding. It amazes me that the seeds and even plants for those two are sold. Whenever I see them in seed catalogs or nurseries I think, hey come to my house and I'll share. Then again, I want the people with the gardening businesses to make a living. I can't believe how much I've been blogging lately. Pretty much every day for weeks and weeks. I remember last year around this time I was also blogging full force. At that point I was worried that I was having a recurrence. I have to keep reminding myself that the scans I got didn't relieve my mind at all. They opened up a whole new set of fears which weren't entirely laid to rest until I went through a slew of appointments, physical therapy, lymphedema massage, and finally in December had a good PET/CT scan.This year I'm not due any scans until December which will be a year from my last scans. I am scheduled for a slew of appointments in September which seem to pile up between the various specialists I see. I think part of what has me a little on edge is this is almost exactly 2 and a half years since my melanoma diagnosis. I expected by now that I'd be putting it all behind me, assuming I didn't have a recurrence. Instead I'm on edge and find it hard not to think about the what ifs. What if the places that do scans ever 3 months for stage III have it right? What if the places that do scans every 6 months have it right? There's also the what if places that don't do any asymptomatic scans have it right? The latter is less of a worry. The first two are the ones which I guess I'll have trouble not second guessing if I do have a bad scan in December.I have educated myself well enough to know that no large studies thus far have shown that asymptomatic scans for stage III melanoma improve prognosis. That's assuming no new studies have been published that I haven't heard about yet. I also know that on an individual basis they can make a difference which makes it a bit murkier. In my case, I have enough experience with language like "consistent with a tumor recurrence" and "cannot exclude metastatic disease" to know that the scans intended to ease my mind, had the opposite effect. The important part is that I haven't had a recurrence and I've made it to the hump. I think of two and a half years as the hump because at five years the odd tip to be enormously in my favor. In the mean time, I guess I'll keep trying to think more about habitat gardening and less about melanoma. I've been attempting to do precisely that since I started this blog a little over a year ago.

6 comments:

kim said...

Hey Carv,
Sometimes I think that time is not so fair. Like you, I thought that I would have put this melanoma thing behind me by now. I did have the recurrence, but it is almost like it never happened until I see the scar(s) or my hand aches. I do try to let time roll on, but find myself staring at another Derm appointment this week...wonder where the stitches will be this time and there is this SPOT on my arm...
It's really quite funny in a way. I think that we dwell on it because we will never let any skin issues sneak up on us again.
I love the seed photos. Every season is a wondrous spectacle and I love you for photographing it to remind us how lucky we are to be here to witness it.
:) K.

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
-Confucius

PS I am currently on the year to year plan, but hope to go on the 10 year tree plan as soon as we mangage to live in one place for that long!

Carver said...

Hi Kim,

Good luck with your Derm appointment. Out damned spot, out I say . . . I wouldn't be joking if I thought it was going to be anything. I'm sure it will be fine but I know how nerve wracking it can be. I'll be sending good thoughts out for you.

I love the Confucius saying. It's funny because a little less than a year after my dx, I got a new computer. I decided to get the 3 year extended service warranted as a gesture that I was reasonably sure that I would be around 3 years.

Take care, Carver

sue said...

Hey, 6 years out and I still wonder every time some little thing emerges...what if...do those thoughts ever go away, I doubt it but they do lessen in time and since I'm a stg one I suppose it makes those thoughts even less for me but should it, no way..I still need to be alert and cautious. I am too for the most part. Hey, I like the pedicure part..go girl, it took me well over 50 years to have my first one and now it's a monthly treat...I didn't go for the same silly reasons that you haven't..why are we like that, I wonder..just try it once or twice..I think you'd really like it..it's refreshing and I've wonder now what took me so long. I am also a barefoot mama...first thing I do is take off my shoes when I enter the house..I'd go barefoot outside too if the pavement weren't so hot...but, I do love walking through the soft grass barefoot. I don't wear shoes unless I really have too..get a pedicure, you'll just love it. Can't wait for my next appt. sue

Carver said...

Hi Sue,

It's people like you that may get me inspired to go for it. It's funny because everyone I know who has had one said it was great. It's ridiculous that I can blog about it and not do it. A normal person would probably think writing about how icky their feet are would be the embarrassing part. Then again I never said I was normal. Ha.
Take care, Carver

Medblog Addict said...

Go on, just try a pedicure once. I promise, you will love it. Sit back and close your eyes and let someone pamper you for a while. And trust me, if I can do it without feeling awkward and embarrassed you can. I can never understand the lady who does it, so now she just pushes and pulls my feet wherever she wants them. Plus, my toes are ticklish, so everytime she touches them, my foot jumps. Here's a kinda funny story from my last pedicure. I had put in a long day at work and I was sitting back in the chair with my eyes closed. I kept feeling her tap on my foot. I thought it was just some kind of new therapy or massage technique, but she was really trying to get my attention to ask me if I liked the color of polish she was going to put on my toes! So apparently I can't tell the difference between a foot massage and someone trying to get my attention, but it's not going to stop me from getting another pedicure.

What freaks me out is seeing the occasional guy in there getting a pedicure.

Thanks for dropping by my blog and saying hi.

Carver said...

Hi M.A.,

Thanks for your comment. You made me laugh with the foot tap story, too funny. I am seriously getting inspired to give it a whirl. Maybe I'll get an amusing post out of it. Cheers, Carver