Sunday, February 18, 2007
I keep going back to my photographs of past springs, in part, to get myself motivated to do the fall cleanup I never did. I am springing ahead to the promise of spring. The bulbs are popping up through the masses of dried grasses and such and my garden is crying out for a thick layer of mulch to help avoid the weeding which won't get done. It's bitter cold, at least for here, but that's the best time for me to tackle garden work. Since my post LND issues I can't handle heat at all and have a very high tolerance for cold. The ground is too hard to aerate or dig this time of year but I can skip that. There is a lot that I can do. That needs to be my mantra for everything. Focus on what I CAN do not on what I can't do. This is day 65 of my latest effort to rehabilitate physically. I am still averaging out to be walking a little over every other day. For some reason that's signficant to me. Ideally, I would like to hit the 5 days a week I was doing at first but as long as I average out to every other day I feel like I'm doing okay. I've had some good weeks, bad weeks, and everything in between but all told not doing too bad at all. I can't express how much the support I have recieved from people I've met through the MPIP has meant to me. It has meant everything to connect with people who understand what it means to deal with a melanoma diagnosis and the aftermath. For me the aftermath has been the hard part. I was so positive when I initially recieved my diagnosis that it was almost unreal. I got the bad news up front because my skin lesion was so deep that everything moved fast. In many ways I've gotten mostly good news since then. I only had one positive node and it was micromets. The only subsequent biopsies I've had were negative for melanoma. Although the scans have been a mixed bag, nothing so far has developed in the wrong direction. Although I do have a mild case of scan-anxiety, I am glad I will get a full body PET/CT scan in a little over 2 weeks. My goal is that as long as nothing is bigger or new or of concern to my doctors, I will be trying very hard to put this behind me. Not sure if that will be possible but I can try!